As he lay dying....

Anyone reading my blog is aware that my ex father-in-law is dying. He has been in the hospital for over a week now. He collasped and has bleeding in the brain.

My ex husband and I very close friends. I know that can be hard to believe but under certain circumstances it does happen. Last Friday July 20th we were told he probably wouldn't last more than a couple of days.

It is now a week later and he is still hanging in there. He is unable to speak at all now. He is now on a morphine drip and has been catherized. I have mixed emotions about this man. I think of my in-laws as parents of sorts as I have known them since I was 17 years old. Coming from a family that at the time seemed so dysfunctional. It was different be married to someone who's parents have been married forever and remained so till death. She passed away last October.

Now she was a different story. I loved her very deeply. She was like a mother to me. Even after her son and I divorced we kept in contact. I do regret however not spending as much time with her as I would have like. A perfect lesson of letting life get in the way. I also was more concerned with the feelings of others ie ex husbands new wife. When she was dying I was there every moment I could be.

I am grateful to the new wife and that she understood that my relationship with the mother in law was beyond the fact I had been married to her son. I held her hand and talked to her up until almost the very end. Then the ex sister in law arrived and she was there in the final hours. I am ok with that even though up until that point she had not bothered to come and visit during her illness. Okay fine maybe she came once.

But him I am not as close. There is a reason for this. For some number of years now I have known about his infidelities. One of his indiscretions occurred in my home that I shared with his son when we married. Photo proof existed. The how and why of this information came to light is not important. But is a situtation that having knowlege of kind of bonds his son and I. The new wife does not understand the relationship of father and son. Not so sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but it is what it is.

So this is what leads me to my blog of the day. I was suppose to go and visit with my daughter at the hospital last night. Feeling under the weather I did not go. I took my son to work and left the house without my cell phone. I had to make a stop where I ended being longer than I thought so I called home to find that my ex and my daughter had called me. So being concerned something might have happened with the ex father in law I called my daughter.

I ended up speaking with her father who said to me I thought you were suppose to be standing watch. I told him I was still feeling sick and that I would visit on Saturday when I got off work. He said fine and that he would talk to me later.

When my daughter returned home she said she overheard her father telling the nurse that he is the only one to be notified in the event of anything happening with his father. My dauther thought maybe it was her Aunt calling. We chalked it up to her father just wanting to be the one call in the event of the grandfather's death. My daughter went on to tell me her father had stepped out of the room to call me and told his wife he was trying to call his sister.

So today I get a call from my ex. He was calling to tell me that when he his wife arrived at the hospital on Friday. A female was in the room dressed in the sterile gown and everything holding his father's hand, tears streaming down her face. He had seen a piece of paper with this persons name and phone number on it at the nurses desk. Low and behold it was the female that the indiscretion had occurred with in out home all those years ago. She has asked the wife and the nurses to let her know if anything happens to him or if he moved so she can continue to visit with him.

Of course now I am reeling with did you throw her out, say anything to her. Because as I live and breathe God knows they would have been calling security. We are not sure how she knew where he was other than not being able to reach him at home or on his cell she just started calling the hospitals.

The wife is telling him that he is dying and to just let it be. I don't agree but also have more knowledge of the relationship of father and son. So he finally snapped and told her that he did not say or give any kind of opinion when her own father put the family through being an alcholic. Or when he died because of it. That she does not understand and he does not ever what her to talk to him about anything again regarding his father and the whores.

I really have to agree with the ex on this one. But by the same token it is not her fault that he has chosen not to share this with her. I suggested that the visitation be close to family only. But my ex does not want to keep his friends from visiting. He feels that keep phone notification to just him will help restrict the flow of information. Talk about having to deal with the sins of the father.