Cricket Wireless is the Anti Christ.........

Not trying offend any one of religious belief. But if you ever had to deal with Cricket wireless you would say AMEN SISTA....

I spent 3/4 of the day Monday just trying to pay my sister's cell bill. According to their customer service you would have thought I was arranging a hit on her. First off, you have to go through an auto dialer. Then you are sent into the black whole wondering if they even have live operators.

They have automatic pay your bill online. Well guess what if your information doesn't match the cell users. REJECTED. .....For Christ sakes I am trying to pay the bill. Not commit a crime.

So finally I reach a rep by the name of Angeline or something, should have been Diablo. Explain what I am trying to do and she says to me very script like, "I am sorry but you cannot make a payment unless you are an authorized user on this account." Okay folks, anyone who knows me would be cringing at this point. I cuss like the sailor just off the ship.

So instead of ripping loose with profanities I say to her, " Well I thank God that I use Verizon wireless as this absolutely the most absurd way of doing business I have ever heard of." All she could say was, "I am sorry ma'am but that is our policy."

Call sister that needs bill paid. Tell her, if she doesn't get through to someone with the sense God gave a jackass then I don't care if she has a phone or not. Few minutes later, calls back and says it all good and for me to call again.

Up next customer service rep, Ram. Oh yes, I can help process this payment for a service charge of $5.00. Fee for paying through customer service. Deep breathing Deep Breathing...You are freaking kidding me right. No ma'am. Last straw is breaking the camel's back. As well as my patience that was gone long ago. Fine whatever, but she will have to figure out something because it is crazy that you are charging a fee to pay your bill. Ram hung up on me.

Deep breathing.... need to kick some one's ass.....throw something.....break something.....smash anything Crickett. Call sister back and inform her if I cannot pay phone bill through automatic system she is SOL and I don't care if she has a phone or not. Informed her that she has service with the ANTI CHRIST and to move her lot in life up and get a real service provider.

They are just another bunch of bottom feeders praying on the state of our economy.

Another Thought To Ponder .......

We

Accept the love

We

Think we deserve

Footnote: This little food for thought came from my favorite website www.postsecret.com. Check it out and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Time Flies Doesn't It..........

Well we are a month past the last court date and the 1184 Committee has finally weighed in. They recommend charges of neglect be filed against Daddy No. 1 . Finally a panel with some brains.

So last Friday morning the caseworker and the court appointed advocate met with a different county attorney than the one we have so generously blessed with. (stated with large amounts of sarcasm) Charges should be filed within the near future for Daddy No. 1 as county attorney concurs with 1184 committee. WOO HOO. Termination of Mom and Daddy No. 2 are in the wings.

Daddy No. 2 has a disposition hearing where he will be notified (while we are secretly praying he doesn't show up to court) that in order to obtain a possible reunification with his sons he will have to take random drug test, mental health evaluation, parenting classes, proof of financial stability with proof of a place to live in his name and several other things. Daddy No.2 has not even made visit in 3 months. This is Daddy that was told back in 2005 what he needed to do to intervene and did not.

Clarification from previous blog he isn't even technically intervening now he was served an affidavit to appear.

Hanging the balance now is the custody hearing on November 3 for Daddy No. 1. In light that some has finally wised up and decided that charges due to be filed I can only hope that this is finally going to be the beginning of the end of this back and forth over my niece.

My plan B with Nebraska's poorly executed Safe Haven Law if the court system fails her and returns her to Daddy No. 1 can she turn herself in since people are taking there kids there from all over? Something to ponder that is for sure.

Time will tell.......

Then You Wonder Why Kids Are F****d Up.....

And so it goes..........Court was last Tuesday and now after three years of no intervention Daddy number two decides he needs to man up. We are quickly becoming a circus act. Daddy number two with Mommy and Daddy in toe sit with Daddy number one acting like one big happy family.

Let the court records reflect that Daddy number two was present three years ago during the first adjudication hearing and advised what his legal rights were and how to intervene. Let the record also reflect today is September 23, 2008. Almost three years later with sporadic visits, one passed drug test, two no show drug test and a fail as of September 9, 2008.

So Daddy number two is appointed an attorney and we will see you next Wednesday in court for your adjudication. Daddy number one you better get with the program and attend supervised visits in a neutral location as you behavior has put you in the position of losing any ground you had in this court hearing. Oh and by the way you have been added to the national registry for neglect but we are not pressing charges.

Attorneys take the floor and have their say. Professionals are now called to testify. Pediatrician for the children, CASA, family therapist for Daddy number one and his Daughter but Mom is not included. Family therapist paints Aunt child resides with as a racist based on one meeting where she picks up the child from Aunt' home. States Aunt needs to attend family therapy to get in touch with child's black heritage.

Hear ye Hear ye...........Family therapist you have defamed my character and I am I not entitled to some retribution. My ex husband of 19yrs and mind you we have been divorced a month is African American. My son's are bi racial as is my niece. My mother has 8 grandchildren 5 of them are bi racial (African American and white) Music preference by the children living in my home is r and b jazz and rap. Movies preferred to be watched are those with predominately black actors. They are excited that Obama could be our first African American president. My niece goes to visit with my ex who oh guess what is African American.

Did you bother to speak with the caseworker and find out about my efforts to have African American therapists, cta's or big brothers. No you didn't and you dare call me a racist. I am confused. When did this become about race and not the best interest of the child?

Daddy number two has adjudication hearing today and now through discovery we have a grand mother that is native American and there is talk about a tribal intervention and the boys could be moved to a tribal home! To strangers versus a family member? Makes a lot of sense. I am numb cannot even begin to possibly process what I feel or should feel about this.

The battle continues next court March 2009. Three years my niece and nephews have had to be in the system because no one has the balls to stand up and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Come on people seriously I heard on the news today a man kicked his dog severely injuring the dog and he is in jail. See the problem here or injustice?

FOSTER CARE =TWILIGHT ZONE=WORST REALITY SERIES

Concrete Angel

(Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as stone. In a world she can't rise above. But her dreams give her wings and she flys to a place where she's loved.)



I have seriously woke up in an alternative universe. The people are all the same. But the series of events cannot possible be real. The lovely state I live in likes to police itself a lot. So on goes the never ending saga why some people are not fit to be parents.

Today a meeting was held by a group called 1184. My understanding of this forum is to help move cases that are stuck in proverbial black hole called the foster care system. There are three biological parents involved in this case. Two without a doubt no I can't even say that but for all intensive purposed with have their right terminated for one reason or another. The third parent my niece's father who is not better or capable of being a parent is the thorn.

The judge in his almighty wisdom granted placement of my niece with this man April 28, 2008 and she was removed and placed back with me on July 10, 2008. WOW!!!!! She was removed to my understanding for neglect. He was placed on the according to CPS the central registry. Okay sounds good so far. This is where it gets sketchy and very very confusing.

So this is where we file charges and my niece can move on and have a childhood and stability and have something close to normal. WRONG!!!!!!!! No charges are filed because there is not enough physical evidence. He doesn't beat her and now the county attorney for this case is droning on and on about he is a father who has stepped up and the system has failed him blah blah blah. At this point it is all I can do not to jump across the table and slap him, vomit or both.

I have never heard such dribble in my life. Let's talk about the fact the man has not taken interest in her for the last 13yrs of her life. He only intervened in this last year because, WHY, he is on disability and in order to get the dependant share she has to be living with him. Not to mention that he is $30,000.00 behind in child support. Never attended any educational or doctors appointments. Daddy dearest is clueless and rejects the fact that his child could have ADHD/ODD. He plays the victim role very very well. Everybody hates me everybody is working against me.

The straw that broke this camels back today was when the county attorney stated that of course everyone is going to say Auntie is the best placement because she lives in an affluent neighborhood and daddy dearest lives in the poor section of town. Talk about prejudice. Yes, I live in a nicer part of town. No I do not live in the more expensive houses or drive an expensive vehicle and my income in modest by any standard. I work three jobs. I am a single mother raising my own three children and have stepped forward to raise my sister's children if they are not reunited with their mother.

So now I wear the scarlet letter A=Affluent, because I chose to live in this part of town so my children could have the best available public school education that my tax dollars pay for. But I have can't have issue with daddy dearest having a court appointed pro bono attorney, living on disability due to a back injury, living with a girl friend who to my knowledge paid all the bills and still does. Drives without a license and no one does anything about it. Just because my sister spread her legs for him one night and he is now daddy of the year. Give me a break.

Legislation needs to change to state that if you attach yourself to any case where the child is a ward of that state that all parties offending or non offending should have to participate in the same steps to received custody of their children. I am talking parenting classes, drug testing, family therapy, background checks, parenting plans and participation in the child's life since it is suppose to be about the them after all.

So welcome to the worst reality show today "FOSTER CARE" coming to a venue near you soon.

MAJOR LIFE CHANGING ANNOUNCEMENT.......

I just wanted to let everyone know in the blogs ville I am a SINGLE woman again. YEAH ME!!!! Papers were signed sealed and certified today. I was so excited about being divorced I went right the to the DMV and change my name on my licence and then proceeded to the bank to make changes on my checking account.



Tomorrow I will be at the SS office so that I can change my information at work. WOOO HOOOO......



It is a bright bright sun shiny day.........in Destamona's World........

Shakey at Best......

Well folks we had our court session today. All I can say is UNBELIEVABLE! Literally mouth hanging open gaping catching flies UNBELIEVABLE! First off judge, can I point out if the man is not fighting my niece being placed back with me there is a problem here? Good God, no you would never consider that. It is all the rest of us that are broken! Second of all, the county attorney could only state over and over that there is not enough evidence to press charges.

I heard from niece's Casa (child advocate), therapist and caseworker. At the point that the judge heard Dad (a term I use very loosely mind you) was not going to fight placement he began issuing court orders to assist in reunification of father and daughter. My niece has to have family therapy with her father with a specific independent therapist, supervised visitation in his home and that he could petition the court at any time to have my niece moved back into his home. How do I tell her this. The child is fourteen and has very seriously told me. Auntie I would rather die than go back into his home and if that happens please make sure my Mom gets half of my stuff. What on God's green earth am I suppose to with that.

I have also been told by parties that are supporting the continued removal of my niece from her father's home that he and his attorney can cry fowl and say that I am keeping reunification with the Dad from happening and she could be removed to another foster home to see if that would sway my niece's feelings toward her father. Too which I replied because by now I am unable to control the enormous amount of emotion, "You are fucking kidding me right!"

I mind my p & q 's with a vengeance, what I say in front of the children. I have submitted to numerous invasions in my home so they can make sure I provide a safe environment. My children over the age of 16 have had to have police background checks and finger printing to make sure they are not juvenile delinquents. Just a laundry list of things I have had to do even though I have raised three children already and have never once in my life had to deal with CPS on any level. Oh and not to mention that I do daycare with children who are currently in the foster care system. I'm the threat?????????????? Twilight zone must be coming back to TV because I am living it.

Our judge doesn't approve of children making choices for themselves. Wake up these children have been making their own decisions since they dropped out of my sister's womb. The girl is fourteen years old. Like I have said on any number of occasions if this was a divorce she would have a say in where she is going to be living.

She will be with me until the next case review in September and then there is a custody hearing in October. Not looking good at all for us I must say. I have come to the conclusion I would get quicker results kicking my cat and be brought up on animal cruelty charges than someone neglecting and emotional abusing a child. Maybe my case needs to be tried in the court of public opinion?

The Dark Clouds Have Parted.......

Well fellow bloggers it has finally happened. Last Thursday on July 9th, my niece was removed from her father's home for neglect. It has been a hectic couple of months. She is very very happy to back with us.

So everyone keep us in your prayers that it sticks this time and she doesn't have to live him ever again. Everything is in the investigative stages. The law being the law looks at rights and it is unfortunate that some of the things that have happened to her are not concrete enough. Currently it looks like they may get him on the fact that even though she is fourteen there is an inordinate amount of time she is being left alone. My niece has AD/HD and her medication is a controlled substance. So why on God's green earth would anyone make a child responsible to take her meds.

I did an audit of her meds and according to my calculations she missed her afternoon meds sixteen times since the prescription has been filled. That in addition to the time she is left alone with only a tv for entertainment. What kind of stimulation is that for a child even without any learning disability?

So needless to say we are hoping at the very least we can get emotional abuse if not neglect. We hope to get lucky and get both. I cannot imagine what it has been like for her to listen to the countless racial slurs against her mothers family. To constantly be told no one cares about her especially her therapist and caseworker. That she is just a job to them. To be constantly threatened with physical violence when she doesn't do things to their liking.

She has had to endure being told she smells like nasty white people. Resulting in her having to shower every Sunday when she returned home from visit from my house. My niece is bi racial. They did not like the way she made the bed so she had to sleep in a pallet on the floor. He did not buy her any summer clothes but had a fit when her mother and I did. He went as far as to say we were interfering. What because we thought that jeans and long sleeve shirts were a little much for summer. It is only in the nineties.

Our break came on Thursday July the third when he left her alone since eleven that morning. We picked her up for visit on Friday at nine thirty and he was still not home. Later we would find out that he did not come home till the early hours of Saturday morning. A series of events that night proved to be his undoing. I called the caseworker and the therapist. The therapist in turn called for a well check. But since the girlfriend was due home they left her.

Over the weekend the police called to verify that the girlfriend lived there in turn my niece suffered the consequence of that action. I would like to say good job fellas! Anyway, punishment commenced on Monday morning for her at five in the morning. She was made to get up and clean all the baseboards and clean all the windows. Then at seven thirty the locked her out of the apartment and was told to stay standing in the hallway. I am not even sure how long they left her out there. What kinda of parent would think this is remotely okay. All because the police had come to check on her.

Tuesday he refused for her therapist to meet in private with her as sessions are held in the home. He frightened the therapist so bad she called the caseworker and now refused to return to his house for therapy with my niece. Plus the therapist and I received a tongue lashing from him for interfering. I hung up on. Notified the caseworker of what was going on. The caseworker then called the home and received no answer so she went to check on my niece in person.

Guess what she was there alone again. She told the caseworker what happened and what had been going on since he found out about the well check aka police showing up at his house. So there is the basics without listing all the totally off the wall things that have been going on that are considered acceptable parenting. So now the caseworker, therapist and myself are the wicked bitches that have been sexual servicing each and the judge to get my niece out of his home.

I am sorry but no one can pull the trigger of a loaded gun unless given the ammo. So who shot off their own foot here?

Tasty Tasty

I have been reading trashy novels like they were the very breath I need to survive. It has almost become like a drug. I am a reading a book a day. I had to take the time to blog about an author that I stumble upon by chance. Her name is Shayla Black.

Her books are more like erotica. Very descriptive and about alternative lifestyles. I happened upon her first book through my hair dresser. Between her and her sister they have kept up to my elbows in books.

So I am at my friends house and she is telling me that she has five new books and I am welcome to any of them. Although I had more than plenty to keep me busy I peruse the offering of books. One catches my eye called "Wicked Ties."

Upon returning home that Saturday I start reading the book and find myself totally fascinated by the content. The book is about bdsm. I do have to warn if you are not open minded and don't have a sense of sexual adventure the book is not for you.

Myself, I could not put it down. I read all 341 pages that day. As soon as I finished that book I jumped on the computer to see what other offerings Ms. Shayla had. The second book of this series is called "Decadent". I got up first thing Sunday morning and ran out and bought it.

Read the book cover to cover that day. Needless to say it was another 341 page turner. Couldn't, wouldn't did not want too would have to pry it from my cold dead hands. Okay more like OMG I am so hot I exploded can't stop reading the book. Where were the men in books when I was young and probably have been oh so willing.

I look forward to seeing what Ms.Shayla brings to the table next. So if you are not faint of heart and curious like myself enjoy the decent. I know I did.

Being One Of The Beautiful People........

I often wonder what it would be like to be one of the beautiful people. Have you ever noticed they seem to have their own language only travel with other beautiful people and for all intensive purposes seem to have the world at their feet.

Maybe I think about it too much. But how can you not when the media dictates that beauty sells everything from toothpaste to high end luxury items. Beautiful people even sell goods for fat people when they have never been fat a day in their life. But yet it is suppose to convince me that I would look just as good.

The only people to ever have mind blowing sex would be the beautiful people as well and they are the only ones to fall in love. This according to media, movies and books. No wonder I have fallen prey to staring and lusting after those men who are molded like an Adonis. Fat chance of having mind blowing sex with one of them.

I have a son, he would fall into this category. I had an ortho doctor so much as say he was perfect. Perfect weight ,perfect body. Went as far as to say guys would kill for his body. The man child has the beauty to attract women as well as men. Either he does not know it or just does not care.

I have asked him on several occasions what it like and he just looks at me like I am alien. I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just for once in our media driven society to see the reality of how life is lived with ordinary looking people just like me.

Her First Week With Him........

I swear it has taken but a nano second for that man to zap the life right out of her eyes. Monday last week I had to turn my niece over to her father. Why because the court said so. Would never have had happened had I money and connections.


She has spent the first week at his home mostly alone at night, having to medicate herself and eat alone. In the four days she has been there she has heard nothing but disparging remarks about her mother.


Due to transportation issues she was late to school two mornings in a row. Her afternoon meds were forgotten twice. She has been woke up in the night to hear her father and his fiancee (a term I use loosely) fighting because of money he has taken from her purse. Not to mention he has pawned some of her belongings. The fiancee not my niece as I did not let her take things of value with her.

She has been told she does not need a safety plan and that she is not to be calling anyone when he not there but her Grandmother, which is his mother. He also has informed her that as soon as his attorney gets back in town that he will make sure all this meddling ceases. To the point that it is none of the caseworkers business what goes on in his house. He obviously forgot to read the placement papers that she is still a ward of the state.


Plus, did he not hear the judge say the her caseworker, guardian ad litem, therapist all have access to her announced and unannouced? Furthermore he has instructed her that she needs to be retaught how to do things as her Aunt (meaning me) has rasied her children improperly. That is why my children have lived in the same house for the last 14yrs have both parents active in their lives and don't have to worry about food, clothing and shelter.


By the grace of God I have her Friday's afterschool till Sunday evenings let's see how long this last. What excuse will he use. Friday morning before she left for school he instructed that if anyone questions her about what goes on in his house they need to talk to him. Closed his statement with that he was mad at me. Whatever. Fear, intimidation and alienation typical asshole tatics to make a child conform. Oh did I mention this all occurred from around 4pm Monday till Friday at 6:45am not even a full week.


This from a man who sat in the courtroom begging for his right to be a father..........

BLACK MONDAY..........

ENOUGH SAID!!!!!!!

For All the Women In the World......

A friend of mine sent this to me and I wanted to share will all. Enjoy as I did.

"WHY WOMEN CRY"

A Little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm a Woman,' she told him. 'I don't understand,' he said. His Mom Just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.'

Later the Little boy asked his father, 'Why does mother seem to cry for no Reason?' 'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad Could say.

The little boy grew up And became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally He put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, 'God, Why do women cry so easily?'

God said: 'When I made The woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong Enough to carry the weight of the world, Yet gentle enough To give comfort I gave her an inner strength to endure Childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her Children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep Going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family Through sickness and fatigue with out complaining.. I gave Her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all Circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults And fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave Her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but Sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him Unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This Is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.' 'You see My son,' said God, 'the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she Wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that Is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.

How A Deadbeat Dad Gets Custody!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off the he lays his seed in some unsuspecting female that has no idea he has no intention of taking any kind of responsibility.

Then so that he does not have to pay any kind of child support he lays up with some stupid female that pays all the bills because he claims to be disabled. He is now in arrears to the tune of $30,000.00 The state has suspended his license. But that does not matter he drives anyway. Has a car. Tell me how it is licensed and insured if he doesn't even have a driver's license? I am still trying to figure that one out.

Next he is only present enough in the child's life that he has no idea about her educational needs, emotional needs and security. But calls all her care providers and tells them that he was advised to do so by his attorney. Not that I am a concerned parent, but that my attorney told me too.

Speaking of the attorney, thanks to all the wonderful tax payers he has a pro bono pit bull. Not only can she represent him juvenile court but district court as well. According to this tax paid pit bull everyone but this male parent is causing this child undo stress. So, I take that she has not heard my niece every time she has been dragged in to court saying that she does not want to live with her male parent. I use the term loosely as he has not earned the right to be called father.

Why should it be any different if it was a custody battle going on in a divorce a child of fourteen would be allowed to decide where they want to live. Mind you this child has lived with me more that either of her parents. I know you are wondering why she is not with my sister well that is a whole other set of issues.

The man has finally been able to sway the powers that be to rule that he is disabled. So he get a check for $2,500.00 a month but, yet on her birthday last month he did have any money to buy her a birthday present. Told her she would have gifts by the end of the month, her birthday was March 9Th. Not to mention the dependant portion my niece is entitled too. Now he will get that too. That should be money being put away for her college education.

The icing on the cake on this whole debacle is that I as a foster parent according to the law have a right to be heard during juvenile proceedings. The last court hearing before this one that gave her male parent placement the judge gave me such a form to fill out. The irony even though I sent the form to the judges office it was turned over to the county attorney as evidence. When it was presented the male parents objected as hearsay. Therefore in my opinion the pit bull violated my right to be heard. Go figure..pro bono bitch.

Amazingly enough I have received a letter in the mail today form the supreme court regarding my right as a foster parent to be heard. I will be anxious to hear what they have to tell me as I am sure that I overwhelmed the woman answering the phone at that office today. He may have won the battle but the war will continue as that child will know that I have and will continue to do everything within my power to see to her welfare not matter where she it.

So there you go once again the lovely foster care system has proven themselves and truly not knowing what is in the best interest of the child. As long as we can clear it off our books and be done with it. Confidentiality clauses be damned.

Books Be Damned......

The books were meant to be a distraction from stress. They have taken on a life of their own. I have read over twenty books in the last four weeks. I am sure it is the genre of the books being read. I have a restless growing within my soul. It is driving me crazy.



Most of the books are period pieces that have about four to six in the series. Settings are in the time of knights, mystics and to my favorite being set in the settling of the west. Of course all the men in the books are Gods. The writers leave nothing to the imagination of these men. Therein lies my restlessness.



I have come to believe that I am definitely an alfa male type girl. They just reek of manliness. So until Mr. Alfa crosses my path in real life I will continue to devour him in my dreams. Purely driven from my reading of course. Author, Lora Leigh really leaves little to the imagine in the men she conjures up in her books. She has a series about Navy Seals that I recommend highly for you reading pleasure.

The Weight of Emotions........

In the last three weeks I have read sixteen books. I never knew such a drive or need for escape as I have of recents days. The problem with the escapism that I have choosen has done nothing more than drive other emotions to the surface.

So much is going on in my life right now that the need for this escapism is at an all time high. To be in a place of none feeling. The battle wages on to be single. I am at a loss as to why it is taking so long. Truly would appear to be a case of someone not wanting me but not wanting me free to be with someone else.

The fight for my niece and nephews wages on as well. The end is near for a conclusion for my niece. Though I feel the outcome will not be good. Tomorrow we are back in court again as we have been several times in the last months. The child is fourteen why even though she is in the foster care system do they not hear she does not want to be living a father who has not had anytime for her thus far in her life? It is beyond my realm of comprehension.

I have come to the loth the foster care system. It is a prison for the innocent. If your children are taking away justly then you have no rights and it should be about what is best for the children. Was it my intention my sister not have her children back when this whole thing started? No, but has she stepped up and become the mother they need her to be.

The drive of great loss and frustration continues with the estate sell of my in-laws that have passed not so long ago. Their belongings sold off as if they were nothing of value to no one. Soon their house will be gone and nothing but a memory will be left in its place. How long will it be before it fades? I dreamt of my father in law the night before the start of the sell. He came to me very clearly. Stop to visit on the way of completing his list of things he needed to do. His son had helped with his list has he has been forgetful of late. Overall seemed very at peace.

Lack of sleep makes ones emotions run high and on the very surface of your skin. Being ultra sensitive to you surroundings weeping without control. There should be rest soon because this cannot go forever. Until then I will continue to search for peace if only for breif periods of time.

New Word For Condom

My thirteen soon to be fourteen year old son is currently taking a class called, "Know Yourself." We have a very good relationship pretty open and honest and we talk about everything. Unlike his brother who just dies at the mere mention of the word "sex."

So in this class they do a series of topics and we as parents get to join in by doing worksheets and interviews to see how well we know our children and vice versa. Other topics including the differences between boys and girls, child birth, pregnancy prevention and then finally they get to make a 2 liter bottle baby and care for it.

I have scored pretty high on the do I know my child or what. He on the other hand not so much. How could he know if all he ever sees me do is cleaning and taking care of hords and hords of children. Ok fine maybe not hords but once you hit a certain number it feels like it.

My son always can pick a time to get me alone to have an in depth conversation with mom about whatever is weighing on his mind. I am sure you have guessed it by now being thirteen going on fourteen of the male persuasion it is "SEX." We have already had the why you can't look at porn and date women that look like that at his age. But keeping it clear that is all natural what he is feeling.

Yesterday being no different we start talking about the class. We started talking about the age appropriate time for sex and that is not only for baby making. But ,that if one should decide that they want to have sex to keep in mind that sex is an adult activity that most adults cannot handle the emotion and all that come with it.


He responded I know I know, I need to be married and then we can have sex and then have a baby in nine months. Yes, that is kinda of how it happens sometimes. I went on to tell him that you don't always have to have a baby right away. That you should enjoy being with each other and so on. Conversation turned to ways to prevent having a baby before one is ready and before I could get the words out of my mouth my son was like don't say that word.


Confused at this point I am like what are you talking about? He said, as serious as could be the one for plastic wrap. Now I am smiling and said by plastic wrap you are referring to condoms. He covers his ears , yes yes that word I don't like that word. So I call them plastic wrap.

I assured him that he should not be embarrassed by the word as eventually he would purchase some in the future. (Moms exact words were when he was 18 scratch that 21 and school is more important at this stage of the game.) So we laughed and continued on with our conversation.
He is growing up way too fast. But I am very impressed with his level headed thinking and the fact he is comfortable coming to me with his questions.

Officer Down........

I have a thing for a man in uniform. Police officers in particular. It is not everyone just the ones that ooze of being a man's man. I like the way the uniform clings to their bodies. You can tell the ones that truly keep in shape.

Awhile back I dated such a man. They say office romance cannot be kept a secret. Well we did. Anyway he was going through a divorce some work issues came up and he ended up leaving the job. His leaving did not have anything to with our relationship.

Unable to get hired on with the local police department he ended up about an hour or so away in a very small town. So, one weekend I went up and visited him on that rare occasion I was childless.

Mind you when I arrive in town he is still on duty. He had called to tell me he would be working later due to some arrest situation going on. I was to call him and he would meet me at his house.

Talk about excitement. What can I say. He was just yummy. So we went into the house and I had to to check him out from head to toe very brazenly I might add. Men do it to women all the time so it is only fair. I am sure everyone is familiar with the radio mics being attatched at the shoulder on the uniform and then the other part is on the gun belt.

He couldn't stay long so I wanted to give him something to think about while he finished his patrol. We started kissing and making out. Between that and my low cut shirt that exposed my very ample breasts things were getting quite heated. Shifting positions we hear the dispatcher come over his radio with his call numbers asking if he is in need of assistance.

We both just froze, he composed himself and responded no and proceeded to call dispatch on his cell phone. The dispatcher told him she was getting a series of clicking noises over the radio like someone was trying to send a radio call. He stated that all was good his radio was fine.

After he hung up the phone we had a good laugh and wondered just to what extent had she heard. Good thing she did not dispatch a second cruiser. That would have been an officer down story for the books.

A FeW oF mY FaVoRiTe EyE CaNdY

Need I say more!!!!!! Any one of them would make my day.

Freedom......

I was listening to the radio today,Janice Joplin I believe. The lyrics of her song went something like "freedom is just another word for nothing more to lose." Listening to these words brought clarity to a situation in my life.

As strange as that might sound it is true. I have been separated for several years now. Last July I was served divorce papers. Here it is almost March and it is still going on. Just as I thought would happen, the should have been x along time ago let his attorney fire him.

Mind you since I was told last July by email and yes I said email that I would be being served there has not been any communication with the x to be. I plan to keep it that way. But, I am baffled by the fact that last July it was of the upmost urgency to be divorced right then and there.

The upside is that my attorney, a very smart man I might add, filed for a cross petition that in the event something like this happened my case would continue. So I met with my attorney last Tuesday. We went over what it would take for me to settle. My attorney had sent notice to the x to come in for a deposition on 2/14.

Today I received papers in the mail from my attorney because he has now filed sanctions againist the x as he did not show for this meeting. Which brings me back to the line in the song. I have nothing left to lose and have not had for a long time. This realization brings me peace so that I am ready to face whatever may come from this situation.

~~~~~~Eyes~~~~~~

The eyes are staring intently into the mirror. Straining to see what others say they have seen in her. Comments such as what a pretty face, she so kind, very generous, so caring, so giving.

The eyes feel betrayed. Through the darkness all the eyes see is the scarred, broken shell of a spirit that was taken from her so long ago. Emotions of pain, fear, rage held deep within.

Conversation of the day......

Occupational choice has given me the pleasure of being able to take my children to and from school. I treasure these times. Today was such a day.

My youngest son is in the 8th grade. I drop him off everyday to school with four females. I am sure later in his life he will appreciate this. Right now not so much.

Afterschool the girls are all very chatty. His escapism it to put on his headphones and tunes them out. Conversation turned to the fact the 8th grade students had career day. They were able to go and talk with people from different professions.

At this point my son decides to join in the conversation. No suprise to me Kendall picked a chef and canine patrol with local law enforcement. He seems to be equally interested in both. He asked if this would be possible.

Sure why not I tell him. We start talking about the different areas of law enforcement. SWAT and the canine unit would interest him. But more than that he would like to serve in Iraq. Weapon of choice a sniper rifle.

Mom mode kicks in and out of my mouth comes, "Sorry Kendall the armed service is not an option." He then proceeds to ask why not. I explain to him the very real possiblitly that he might not return from the war in Iraq.

To which he responded, "I would be a war hero if that happened." How would I feel about that? Talk about fear striking your very being. All I could say to him is that I would be very very sad. That they might as well throw me in the ground too.

I know deep within my heart if this is what he would truly decide to do I couldn't stop him. He is thirteen and God willing when he is old enough the war would be over.

Balance zero................aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggg

There I was Saturday morning not so fresh from a very restless night of so called sleep. It seems to be escaping more and more these days.

So totally against my will I get up trying to be quite as to not wake the rest of the house. Bright idea pops into my head to pay some bills on the computer at 7:30a.m. No teeth brushing, splashing water on the face, eating or drinking something to maybe be somewhat more awake.

Oh no let's just get to the torture of bill paying. So I get the computer signed on and prepare to watch my bank account slowly evaporate. One of my monthly obligations right now is my son is taking a trip to Washington D.C. at the end of the school year.

The way it works is you pay to register the for the trip in November, make a payment in December and then the balance is due April 2008. The trip is $1,304.00 something like that. My genius plan is to divide the remainder and pay for it over the next four months.

Cuts down on the pain that way. I get everything all organized pay a couple little items via the internet. I move ever so assuredly to the this trip's website. Put in all my security info so that I make sure that I am making a payment on my son's trips.

I pull up the bill pay online option enter all the necessary information for my debit card. Mind you some of the fields are preloaded so that you have to change them or it takes the amount loaded. So I hit the enter button and get a return message of invalid card number.

So I return to the previous page and reenter all the debit card information again. Double check it before I hit the almighty button of no return. Everything appears to look fine. So satisfied I hit the button.

Up pops the following:

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PAYMENT OF $729.00


I am numb. I had to be in shock. Okay Okay fine shock after a string of obscenities. Totally dumbstruck. So I call my BFF and tell her what I did. Totally beside myself I tell her how at this point I don't know if I should cry, laugh, start drinking. After all it is okay to drink heavily in situations like this.

Oh, but least we forget I just spent the drinking money! She suggested I call the bank. Did that was told I would have to deal with the merchant. Did that and the merchant is only open Monday thru Friday. Now I want my MOMMY! Guess what she is not home.

Being an adult sucks sometimes. My Mom called me back that afternoon. After I relived my tragic morning she asked me what I needed her to do. I told her the moral of my story was take your blood pressure medicine first have some breakfast little caffeine with the background noise of six children you think better with all that stimulation.

We had a good laugh and I told her that I would be calling them first thing Monday morning with my sob story. Which went something like I am a single mother of six children and did not intend to send you my whole paycheck.

The woman understood and we agreed a $200.00 payment was more my intention and she credited my checking account back the difference.