It was one of those days

Well it has been one of those days. Too tired to be around anybody and would like to tell the whole world to jump in a lake. Did the usual excercise around the lake. Everyday for the last 5 days maybe it is too much. After all I am no spring chicken and no small woman either. I think sometimes I envy those who jog. You get done quicker but being top heavy I don't think there is enough ace bandages and duck tape to secure these puppies. Oh well do what I can do. I will walk the neighborhood tomorrow as the lake will be too busy. We are suppose to be having girls night out so I will have to rest tomorrow to have the energy to go. I hope that it proves to be worth it. Picked up extra hours at the job tonight what was I thinking? Once again I wasn't. Go figure. Note to self make sure who is working before one agrees to do so. But it anyway it is a suck day I will continue my other story another day.

Beginning of the end

After that night it would be twelve days later when he was scheduled to be out of town again for another family outing. I sent him and email told him to be safe and have a good trip and hoped all had worked out with the issues of the July 4th. So you figure this was around July 13th. Something in my gut told me that he didn't go. It wouldn't be till the next day or so that I would find out that he didn't go on vacation with his family. We spent that Friday just driving around and hanging out. On Saturday morning we both worked and how nice of him he brought me breakfast. So we spent the day flirting back and forth and I decided somewhere half way through the day it was time for me take my opportunity that was knocking. So I went back to his office and informed him that I had rented a room for the night and what should I pick up for us to drink. He stated that he liked bloody mary's and was shocked at my forwardness. I told him that I felt if I didn't seize the moment it would not come again. So I think that we both finished the day with nervous anticipation. Although we had be together intimately this would be different it wouldn't be in the back of durango or bootie wagon as he now called it........

I knew it was wrong..........part 2

The emailing and flirting went on until July 2 and it I remember it very clearly because we talked about the fact that he would be out of town for the 4th of July. Family obligations out of town. That was on Saturday. So I told him have a good trip and I would talk to him the following Saturday. Now mind you that there had been previously a very close encounter but due to the place we both stopped. So I was off for five days because my birthday falls with the holiday and so I had partied most of the weekend and on Sunday July 3rd I thought about him and the fact that he was on his way for his family trip and I was business as usual since I have the 4th celebration at my house with bbq and fireworks. So along with my children we were cleaning house and preparing for the next day. Phone rings and to my surprise it is my friend who is trying to convince me he is calling from out of state and I am like so you have a cell phone or able to take your home phone with you. So he finally tells me he didn't go with the fam and do I want to meet him later at our place. I am like sure I am so there. I found it very easy to be him no matter what we were doing. We drove around that night, watched fireworks from the lake. That night my durango became known as the Bootie Wagon................

I knew it was wrong........

Blogging is the best since you are unknown to the rest of the world and tell the things that you are unable to discuss with other people for numerous reason or just simply becasue no one knows about it. My secret started actively about eight months and just a quickly as it started it is over. Do I know what happen can I explain it. It was all innocent in the beginning and I knew to the very core of my soul that was going on was wrong plain and simple. After all he was a married man. Yes a married man what the hell was I thinking. Oh guess what I wasn't. There was a force the drove it and it took on a life of its own. First it was emailing back and forth then phone calls and then meetings by chance or planned. What was wrong with this in addition to the fact he was married we worked together. Hello have you not read everything printed about why office flings and affairs with married men just do not work. Oh yes I knew and the voice in my head knew it. But did that stop this growing desire deep within my being. No, did not deter it in the least. Forbidden made it all the more desireable. Believe me he didn't jump in with both feet he tried to keep me at a distance but I pursued him every chance I got and made it very clear my interest...........

Not enought hours in the day...........

It has been one of those weeks between two jobs and three children and then picking up additonal hours. Icing on the cake is pull an all nighter and then don't get any sleep because everyone is less responsible than you. So here I sit tonight at my job and have to be here till 2 a.m. and have been up since 6:30 a.m. Sunday morning. I did make it to the lake this morning to see the sun rise and I wasn't alone. There is always a reward in sacrifice no matter how big or small and needless to say it was worth the loss of sleep. It amazes me how time flies when you want a moment in time to stand still but when you want it to be over it lasts forever. It will take forever for 2 a.m. to come. Would my life have been easier had a chose differently. I like to think I am they type of person that believes I am where I am suppose to be. However, it would be nice if I could practice a little more self control and not take it out on those around when I do make less than desireable choice in this life. So keeping that thought in mind until the next time I am sitting here due to a bad choice and having not slept. Remember the beautiful sunrise and be thankful it is there.

Men..............................

I have been separated for the last 4yrs and due to stupidity have not finished this relationship. Talk about letting something die a long tortured death! It amazes how they coming running if they think that you are gonna put them on the curb. I am not good enough to be married to and live in the same house but I am good enough to be his screw on demand. Well f**** that. I swear I hold my tongue way more than I should. I hope his dick falls off waiting for me to run over and do him. Congrats to those of you that can refrain being attracted to someone who is not available because that is my is my first adventure out to putting this tortured and slow death of relationship behind me. No wonder I have sworn off men. Believe me it is not all that deep. He (the other man) wants to know if I am falling in love with him.........please get a grip on yourself literally if you have to. It is what it is an affair that will end as quickly as it began. I have enough issues to deal with with having someone in my life full time. That is just too much I like my life with the exception of not being totally single.....but hey I consider myself single. Don't get me wrong I love men think are great but lets get real it is what is SEX.......not confused with what one calls love.

One in every family

Everyone has that one family for whatever reason just can't seem to get it together. In my family it is my sister and she drives me insane. If it is not one thing it is another, from staying with a boy (cause he ain't a man) to taking in a homeless person to live in her home with her 3 children. What on God's green earth can she be thinking. Three adults three children five cats all living in a two bedroom apartment. If it weren't for those three very beautiful children of hers I would walk away. How do you exist can't pay the rent so you live where the landlord doesn't care and utilities juggle those and if they get shut off they get shut off. I have 3 children of my own and would never live like that I work 2 jobs and do without so they can have. Does she not have a maternal instict or what the hell. Four year old eats a pop tart and his daddy has a melt down because they are his pop tarts. Oh my God who is the child now. I have my niece for two days and my sister shows up to pick her up today and I am like it there a problem that you can't call anyone. Of course the phone has been shut off. So needless to say I got to work my second job, mind you with a headache and can't imagine what the future holds for those precious children.

Time flies when your having..........

Well it has been awhile since I have visited and alot has happened summer school is over and band camp is done what a week. The person with the surprise birthday visit still ceasing to amaze me. It will be interesting to see where this all leads. He is concerned I am falling in love with him. At this point on so many levels it is not happening. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy but my head is so in a different place. I decided some time back that it is time for me. I went from living at home to living with the first husband then divorced only to be married a year later and have been separated for the last 4 years of this so called 16 marriage. I am very content with my life just me and my 3 children and doing what I want to or don't want too. At this point to get caught up in someone else when I am no where near ready for that. Besides I know enough females that can't live without someone in their life and my motto is learn to live with me first.

That's what I call a Birthday celebration.....

It is great having a birthday so close to the holiday. Even better when you can schedule time off and you end up being off for about a week. Dinner three nights of drinking could it get any better. Well let me tell you it did. The best surprise came on Sunday just when you think maybe you should let something go a whole new ballgame begins. The phone rings and the unexpected since someone was suppose to be out of town for the holiday. My lazy Sunday getting ready for Monday BBQ turned out to be one of the best nights I had in along time. Perfect night of pre 4th fireworks good company conversation and I will just say fireworks have a whole new meaning and will make me smile for years to come. The icing on the cake of a very long party weekend.

It's My Birthday........

Well today is the day and I surely think people are lying if they say they don't care about their birthday. Today is my day and there will dinner dancing drinking and fun fun fun. Even my horoscopes says so. Day is off to a good start birthday wishes started coming at 12am from the one who likes to think he is the center of the universe and have been coming all morning. O would it be a miracle if my one sister just called and wished me a Happy Birthday without the whoa is me crap just one day. Call me tomorrow and tell me your sad tale. Still haven't decided about dinner but at least all the kids are healthy enough that is should be an enjoyable evening and then out with the gf. Will fill you in on the details tomorrow if all goes well and I am thinking that it will.

Are you sure that it is not Thursday yet?

Well today started off like everyday walking at 6:oo am kids arriving kids going to summer school breakfast for the rest. But the important question of the day is where to go for birthday celebration tomorrow night after the dinner with the fam. A girlfriend and I are going out and we have not been out in ages. She promises since it is my birthday to be the designated driver this remains to be seen. It is strange after being married for well lets say what seems like forever cause to be honest I can never really remember how long it has been and the anniversary forget it. Isn't usually the man that can't remember. I am off from my night job till next Wednesday. (woohoo) Maybe I will go out more than just tomorrow night. Just depends since where do people in their 40's hang out? Okay that thought process is on hold, have child with fever to deal with and the rest of the day to get done and work tonight so there will be plenty of time for where to go what to wear. No wonder I don't go out much it is alot of work. Positive thinking now, I just might meet someone that will make it worth my while. After all we all need to let down our hair cause girls we know men certainly don't let the grass grow under their feet.

Could it be just the birthday blahs?

I figure today is as good a day as any to start a blog. You ever have a day that you feel like can it get any worse? Well I am having that kinda of week. Birthday blues maybe or the fact my youngest child has been sick for over a week and the doctor says it is just viral. There is a dinner celebration planned but truth be told I would rather skip it. If it were just gonna be my children it would be great. But due to their ages their father will be present since he is picking up the tab. Boy do I sound ungrateful. My sister called today and has given her excuses on why she can't do anything for me. What is different from years past? A call to say Happy Birthday would be plenty but then were is the drama in that. Back to the dinner. My children's father and I have been separated for the last four years but yet we still do certain things together birthdays, holdiday so on and so forth. It amazes me to listen to him talk about this so called good relationship we have. One day reality will set in. Yeah it is good as long as he is talking about himself so I just listen and listened for an hour and half. How does one tell someone else just give a divorce for my birthday that would the greatest present. Sad to say but I truly think that he without knowing it is reliving his parents relationship to a degree. But I suppose that is a whole other day to blog. I know I should just snap out of this funk and be thankful for my health, healthy children and the fact they have a father that cares enough to be involved.