Nurture Nurture Nurture the nature of the beast

Being a cancer, moon child born in the year of the tiger I tend to believe in astrology. We are very emotionally driven and a nurturer. We will nurture even if it kills us and we know we are not getting anywhere. We are project seeking martyrs who want to take care of everyone elses needs but our own.

I will be the first to admit that I use to be the Queen of this. I would say in the last couple of years though I have been trying to be more mindful of my needs and limitation before diving head first into the next project. Living within my own expectation instead of others.

There has only been one situation that I have not put the appropriate perspective on with personal boundaries. That would be the fact the even though I have been separated from this man for seven years he comes to the house and visits with the children.

I will paint the picture a little clearer. He has a key and can come and go as he pleases. I don't have anything to hide so I am not concerned that he would be snooping or anything like that. Plus the children are not babies and have no problem telling you anything that they don't feel is right. Plus they quit going with him when I no longer worked weekends which was a few years ago.

Don't get me wrong they will leave and spend time with him but want to know when he is bringing them back home. So my intent with this arrangement of him being able to come and go as he pleases was to NURTURE the relationship between him and the children.

His presense would teach them that although they need not agree with him all the time he is their father and they should respect that fact. If I have done my job
they would also be sure to remember him on his birthday, father's day and any other special occasion that should include your father.

Today it bit me in the ASS. Previous blog indicates what is currently going on in my life. After seven years of separation we are now in a big hurry for a divorce. So in theory since I don't have access to the place he calls home then in the land of divorce he should not have access to mine.

So today he kept pushing issues. So I told him that we could start with a parenting plan that had been implemented previously and if he wants to see the children he needs to pick them up and visit with them at his house.

Talk about feeling like you just threw someone off the cliff. We won't go into what his reaction was other than to say he did not take it very well. Moral of my little story is that in as much you think you are making the best of bad situation don't delay the inveitable by giving up your personal boundaries.