Men..............................

I have been separated for the last 4yrs and due to stupidity have not finished this relationship. Talk about letting something die a long tortured death! It amazes how they coming running if they think that you are gonna put them on the curb. I am not good enough to be married to and live in the same house but I am good enough to be his screw on demand. Well f**** that. I swear I hold my tongue way more than I should. I hope his dick falls off waiting for me to run over and do him. Congrats to those of you that can refrain being attracted to someone who is not available because that is my is my first adventure out to putting this tortured and slow death of relationship behind me. No wonder I have sworn off men. Believe me it is not all that deep. He (the other man) wants to know if I am falling in love with him.........please get a grip on yourself literally if you have to. It is what it is an affair that will end as quickly as it began. I have enough issues to deal with with having someone in my life full time. That is just too much I like my life with the exception of not being totally single.....but hey I consider myself single. Don't get me wrong I love men think are great but lets get real it is what is SEX.......not confused with what one calls love.

One in every family

Everyone has that one family for whatever reason just can't seem to get it together. In my family it is my sister and she drives me insane. If it is not one thing it is another, from staying with a boy (cause he ain't a man) to taking in a homeless person to live in her home with her 3 children. What on God's green earth can she be thinking. Three adults three children five cats all living in a two bedroom apartment. If it weren't for those three very beautiful children of hers I would walk away. How do you exist can't pay the rent so you live where the landlord doesn't care and utilities juggle those and if they get shut off they get shut off. I have 3 children of my own and would never live like that I work 2 jobs and do without so they can have. Does she not have a maternal instict or what the hell. Four year old eats a pop tart and his daddy has a melt down because they are his pop tarts. Oh my God who is the child now. I have my niece for two days and my sister shows up to pick her up today and I am like it there a problem that you can't call anyone. Of course the phone has been shut off. So needless to say I got to work my second job, mind you with a headache and can't imagine what the future holds for those precious children.

Time flies when your having..........

Well it has been awhile since I have visited and alot has happened summer school is over and band camp is done what a week. The person with the surprise birthday visit still ceasing to amaze me. It will be interesting to see where this all leads. He is concerned I am falling in love with him. At this point on so many levels it is not happening. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy but my head is so in a different place. I decided some time back that it is time for me. I went from living at home to living with the first husband then divorced only to be married a year later and have been separated for the last 4 years of this so called 16 marriage. I am very content with my life just me and my 3 children and doing what I want to or don't want too. At this point to get caught up in someone else when I am no where near ready for that. Besides I know enough females that can't live without someone in their life and my motto is learn to live with me first.

That's what I call a Birthday celebration.....

It is great having a birthday so close to the holiday. Even better when you can schedule time off and you end up being off for about a week. Dinner three nights of drinking could it get any better. Well let me tell you it did. The best surprise came on Sunday just when you think maybe you should let something go a whole new ballgame begins. The phone rings and the unexpected since someone was suppose to be out of town for the holiday. My lazy Sunday getting ready for Monday BBQ turned out to be one of the best nights I had in along time. Perfect night of pre 4th fireworks good company conversation and I will just say fireworks have a whole new meaning and will make me smile for years to come. The icing on the cake of a very long party weekend.

It's My Birthday........

Well today is the day and I surely think people are lying if they say they don't care about their birthday. Today is my day and there will dinner dancing drinking and fun fun fun. Even my horoscopes says so. Day is off to a good start birthday wishes started coming at 12am from the one who likes to think he is the center of the universe and have been coming all morning. O would it be a miracle if my one sister just called and wished me a Happy Birthday without the whoa is me crap just one day. Call me tomorrow and tell me your sad tale. Still haven't decided about dinner but at least all the kids are healthy enough that is should be an enjoyable evening and then out with the gf. Will fill you in on the details tomorrow if all goes well and I am thinking that it will.

Are you sure that it is not Thursday yet?

Well today started off like everyday walking at 6:oo am kids arriving kids going to summer school breakfast for the rest. But the important question of the day is where to go for birthday celebration tomorrow night after the dinner with the fam. A girlfriend and I are going out and we have not been out in ages. She promises since it is my birthday to be the designated driver this remains to be seen. It is strange after being married for well lets say what seems like forever cause to be honest I can never really remember how long it has been and the anniversary forget it. Isn't usually the man that can't remember. I am off from my night job till next Wednesday. (woohoo) Maybe I will go out more than just tomorrow night. Just depends since where do people in their 40's hang out? Okay that thought process is on hold, have child with fever to deal with and the rest of the day to get done and work tonight so there will be plenty of time for where to go what to wear. No wonder I don't go out much it is alot of work. Positive thinking now, I just might meet someone that will make it worth my while. After all we all need to let down our hair cause girls we know men certainly don't let the grass grow under their feet.

Could it be just the birthday blahs?

I figure today is as good a day as any to start a blog. You ever have a day that you feel like can it get any worse? Well I am having that kinda of week. Birthday blues maybe or the fact my youngest child has been sick for over a week and the doctor says it is just viral. There is a dinner celebration planned but truth be told I would rather skip it. If it were just gonna be my children it would be great. But due to their ages their father will be present since he is picking up the tab. Boy do I sound ungrateful. My sister called today and has given her excuses on why she can't do anything for me. What is different from years past? A call to say Happy Birthday would be plenty but then were is the drama in that. Back to the dinner. My children's father and I have been separated for the last four years but yet we still do certain things together birthdays, holdiday so on and so forth. It amazes me to listen to him talk about this so called good relationship we have. One day reality will set in. Yeah it is good as long as he is talking about himself so I just listen and listened for an hour and half. How does one tell someone else just give a divorce for my birthday that would the greatest present. Sad to say but I truly think that he without knowing it is reliving his parents relationship to a degree. But I suppose that is a whole other day to blog. I know I should just snap out of this funk and be thankful for my health, healthy children and the fact they have a father that cares enough to be involved.