Circling the drain......

Really people I am trying to keep my head above water. Or at least my brain from slipping into some psychosis. By definition it is sounding better all the time.

I feel like I have such a weight sitting on my chest that is could crush me at any moment. The constant dull headach that never seems to go away. The on swith that drives me is stuck on high during the week. By Friday night I am struggling.

I went Friday night and visited my ex father in law and sure enough he appeared to recognize me. He can speak with slurred speech, but with enough formed words to figure out what he is saying. It is very sad to see this once larger than life man laying there.

Rolling into Saturday I did some things around the house. My desire is limited. Saturday night a chance to escape reality first by voluntering at the local community theatre. I had a really great time. Expanding my horizons tends to be keep people guessing.

While my phone was on mute from the world a girlfriend of mine called. So I returned her call only to end up driving around till the wee hours of the morn. Which was totally fine since we were dealing with her issues of divorce and not mine.

But oh how quickly reality tends to jump back in your face when Sunday morning rolls around. The warrior that threatens to destroy all that I am comes calling for what he hopes to be his foot soldiers. I dread these Sundays. It is very clear he is trying to prove he is a good father.

So today he comes and picks up the boys. He has to make sure that he tells them that he is parked out front in the blue car. That is the calling card to "Heys guys I got a new car." Because for Christ Sake that would not recognize the man sitting in the car at the curb as their father. What kind of crap is that.

The crap is that my thirty days to respond was Friday and I have not hired an attorney to date. So I guess he is confident that things will go his way. In his celebration of himself he bought a car. Psychosis....a mental disorder characterized by symptoms such as, delusions or hallucinations. Is that not what this is? If not does it not sound better than this reality?